You may already know, but it has been a rough few weeks for us. We found out that my dad has cancer. again. It's something we knew could happen. But prayed that it wouldn't. It's something we have thought about, but not talked about. Almost as though we feared that talking about it might somehow cause it to come back.
Three years ago was one of the darkest seasons of my life. Three months after my dad walked me down the aisle and gave me away, he had surgery and began his fight. The fight for his life. And it was not easy. The chemo killed the cancer, but it also killed his strength. It aged him. It caused him extreme pain. So much pain that he couldn't walk. He couldn't eat. He couldn't laugh.
We prayed that God would heal him and restore him. And he did. With lots of medication, he has been able to walk. He has been able to laugh. He has been able to work. (His job has been as a chaplain for hospice care. He has been talking, singing, reading, and praying with people who are nearing the end of this life.) He has been enjoying his first grandchild. (That's an understatement.) He tells me every time he sees her how much joy she brings him and how he loves her. And she loves him too!
So, three weeks ago my mom called from the hospital. My dad had been having some issues with breathing. He had been to the doctor and they put him on antibiotics. The pain went away for a while, but when it came back, he knew there was something wrong. The went to he emergency room to get a cat scan, and that's where they found out that the cancer had come back. After a few days in the hospital and a few more tests, we were told that it's in one lung and on two ribs. Since it has metastasized, or spread, they say they will be able to treat it for now, but it will come back eventually. And he will have to fight it again. and again.
So, he started chemotherapy in the form of a pill on Monday. So far, so good. He hasn't had any of the nasty side effects yet, just some weakness. Most likely, he will start feeling badly when the chemo builds up more in his system.
I don't really know how I'm doing with this. I feel so sad that he has to go through this again. I feel scared, because I don't want him to ever stop fighting, but I know there's a limit to what the human body can withstand. I feel anxious, because his sickness has triggered in me a pretty strong fear of cancer in my own body. I've become pretty paranoid...kind of weird, I know.
At times like this, I rely on my faith in God more than anything else. I believe that He is with us in in this. I believe that He has allowed my dad's cancer to return for a reason. Not caused, but allowed. I believe that He is good, and his mercies are new every morning.
There is a worship song from my sister's church, written by Tommy Walker(my favorite worship song writer) It's called We Will Remember. I have been listening to it over and over again, especially one verse in particular. It reminds me that even in the difficult times, I can remember all that God has done for me, by forgiving me, saving me, blessing me over and over and over again. Answering prayers, extending me grace, loving me unconditionally. He truly is a good and faithful God.
When we walk through,
life's darkest valleys,
We will look back,
on all you have done.
And we will shout,
Our God is good,
And He is the Faithful One!
We will remember,
we will remember,
we will remember,
the works of your hands.
We will stop,
and give you praise,
for great is thy faithfulness.
